SHOULD YOU PROTECT YOUR EX FROM A NEW ABUSIVE MAN?

The short answer is no. The long answer is: It depends. As a married man today, I would not show up to any of my exes houses to fight or confront another man for abuse. I would not spend time or resources in assisting any of my former partners in escaping the situation. That would be disrespectful to my current wife. I would be sensitive to the situation and offer help in the form of calling the local authorities or advice. That’s as far as I can go.

Here’s where it gets tricky. My wife and I have been together for over four years. I have long since cut ties and communication with any exes. Hypothetically, if I remained single after a breakup with a woman and emotions were high, I may feel differently. I may still want to show up as the valiant hero for that woman. That is where it depends on how close a man is with the ex.

What if there are children involved? I don’t have any children of my own. Again, hypothetically, if children were in the house with my ex and there was an abusive man in the household, I believe that poses a direct threat to a child of mine. I absolutely would do what I could to get the abuser out of the house. At that point, the care I have of my child would extend to my ex.

Panning out a little, lets address the real issue. We should be protecting women in our society. The fact that there is such a lack of respect for women is appalling. If you feel so emotionally disturbed you feel the need to physically, verbally, sexually, mentally, emotionally, or financially abuse your spouse or partner, you do not need to be in a relationship with that person. You may be childlike lacking full emotional control over yourself and/or the person you are with brings out the worst in you. Both can be true, and you both need growth and healing from realized or unrealized trauma.

If any women read this, make sure to set clear boundaries for yourself and your partner. My cousin Chevy told me she does not tolerate CHEATING or BEATING. Once one of those occurs the relationship is over. I love this code of hers. Protect yourself at all costs and cut off access to you when men show clear red flags. Keep people close to you aware of what is going on and make sure someone you trust other than your partner has your location or whereabouts. This may seem extreme but 1 in 4 women is an exceptionally large percent. Imagine how many others did not get to tell their stories.

Let’s have more conversations with our young people about what is appropriate behavior to alleviate more domestic violence. Teach boys how to have positive relationship with all women and what to expect from woman. Teach our girls what positive relationships with men look like and what to expect from men.