WHAT IS CHEATING?
What is cheating? What is considered against the rules in a monogamous relationship? This is a list of the most common mistakes men and women make in relationships. I will give my honest opinion on if they cross the line of cheating or not.
Cheat
[CHēt]
VERB
Cheating (present participle)
1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or examination:
“She always cheats at cards.”
In my humble opinion, cheating on your SO (significant other) is the conscious, covert, and deliberate act of engaging with another person in any romantic or sexual way without said SO’s awareness, understanding, or approval. That includes accepting flirtation and solicitations from another person through all mediums of communication.
Texting, calling, or speaking to another person.
I personally do not believe speaking to another woman is cheating on my wife. This is in consideration of individual nuance circumstances. The context of communication can change everything. A nuance could be if you are communicating with an ex-girlfriend. In this case, the fact you had a romantic past could be considered a foul. The time of day you communicate with a woman may be deemed inappropriate. Most important is the content of the conversations with women. Your coworker contacting you at 11pm to talk about her boyfriend may also be deemed inappropriate. The obvious question is: why is your (insert relationship) calling you at 11 o’clock at night to talk about her relationship? If the shoe was on this foot, I would not tolerate that kind of behavior. I would assume there is a very close relationship between my SO and her coworker that I may need to be concerned about.
However, if the conversations a woman and I are having prompt me to begin hiding them from my wife, I would be breaking her trust. Omission is not the same as hiding deceit. There are times when speaking to a person outside of your relationship is not worth the cost of ruining what you may have with someone. The perception of cheating, whether true or not, can have damaging consequences. You may not feel you are doing anything wrong on your part but deep down you know your SO would not approve.
Going to coffee, lunch, or dinner with a friend, coworker, or ex.
Going on scheduled meetings with people outside of a relationship may be considered cheating. I included some of the nuances within this subtitle. Going to coffee or lunch with a coworker your SO knows about is likely not a big deal. If you communicate with your SO about the context of these kind of meetings, I don’t see a problem. What about if your SO does not know you go on these meetings? Or maybe you go to lunch on weekdays at work? Still maybe not a problem. Now, what if you are meeting with a woman that you know is romantically interested in you? When you and her meet, your SO would not approve. Is this cheating? By the definition at the top, yes. You are acting dishonestly.
Going on a date in other instances is considered foul in general. A date out with someone is an effort to spend time with a person. You should not be spending considerable time with romantic interest from the past or present other than your current SO. An old friend that wanted to have sex with you in college calls you wanting to link up at restaurant at 8pm Saturday. Would your girlfriend or wife appreciate that? I doubt it and is probably a bad idea. She called you. You answered and reminisced about old times. Did you cheat? Not in my book. You accepted her invitation to the restaurant after a few laughs and some flirtatious banter. Did you cheat? At this point, you are walking into the very blurry line that separates the cheaters and non-cheaters. Your girlfriend asks you, “Do you have any plans this weekend?” You reply, “Yes”. Then, proceed to tell a lie or completely omit the date as part of your itinerary. Did you cheat? Well, you are pretty fucking close. You agreed to it. Saturday comes and you decide to text your old friend that you can’t make it. You proceed to block her and delete all evidence of your conversation. You call your girlfriend and tell her your plans have changed and she should come over tonight. Did you cheat?… Nah, I will let this one slide. She pressed you first, Big Fella. You deflected well. Whew! Try to avoid getting yourself into jams like this if can.
Kissing another person or having sex with another person
We are not going to play this game when it comes to sexual contact. Kissing is intimate and considered sexual contact. Sexual contact is cheating. Keep your lips and other body parts to yourself. Some of you are kinky and may have certain… agreements with your SO that give you freedom to do stuff like this. I am addressing people in monogamous relationships. Not polygamy, open, or swinging.
In conclusion, cheating is breaking the trust of someone that has the expectation of loyalty, faith, and consideration from another. There is a blurred line between what is deemed cheating and what is not. It sits between doing the petty things that build that feeling in your heart that you know is going to break a person’s trust and making a conscious decision to follow through with engaging with another that will break a person’s heart. Deceiving your partner is nasty work and selfish. Try to be better.
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