SHOULD COUPLES SPLIT BILLS 50/50?
There has been an online debate on should a couple split bills 50/50. The landscape is changing in society. Traditional values of antiquated American culture have all but disappeared. What is the proper way for men to address finances today?
Long ago, men were the bread winner in the household, leaving the house to work while women tended to the child rearing and household chores. According to www.redcap.com, “In 1840, 10% of women had jobs outside the home, and by 1850 that number increased to 15%.” These women likely had to work out of necessity. This arrangement was clearly not 50/50 monetarily, however, I could imagine the workload being just as taxing on both partners in a couple. The way society was built decided what was acceptable. Just as the clothes and mannerism of the 19th century would feel strange today, our 21st century culture would cause unrest in the streets during that era. There was an expectation of the men to make sure as the sole earner in the home to provide for a family.
Before telephones and the internet, families were near, and news did not travel as far or fast. Adults stayed home with their parents longer in life. Men would inherit family homes and businesses. For young people seeking a spouse, this involved the merging of the wealth of two families. This was the purpose of the laws of the dower and curtesy, which provided interest in a spouse’s property if he or she passed away. Providing for families was vastly different in the 1800’s than it is in 2024.
The financial landscape is significantly different today than ever. According to a document on the Hathi Trust website, the average rent was $19 in 1901. According to another wage report or 1905, the average weekly salary for all wage-earners was $10.06. Out of the over $33 million, women only received 11%. Today, women earn almost as much as men in the workplace. According to Marketwatch.com, the average salary for men ages 34-45 is $72,956, while women earn $60,944. Meanwhile, the cost of everything in life has gone up. Zillow.com states, the median rent cost is $2122 in 2024.
So, should couples spit bills down the middle? The short answer: It depends. My official statement on the issue is that there is nothing wrong with two people taking on life together financially. I suggest any couple have at least three accounts. One for each’s own money to spend and finance any personal expenditures. One joint account for bills. You may even add a savings account for larger purchases such as a home or vacation. The question about who places more money in that joint account is a necessary conversation for each couple. I believe if you are married, you should be joined financially. That means no secrets. Discuss any debts and ambitions with your partner early. Talk about possible inheritances or liens on property coming down the pipeline.
If you are the type of person that does not like to share, maybe being in a mature relationship is not for you. That means sharing money, control, responsibility, or information. Do not be surprised when your significant other is offended by any unwillingness to function as true partners. A marriage is a spiritual, physical, and financial union. It requires a selfless mindset. It is about two people tackling obstacles with a singular goal of being happy together.
What if one partner earns more than the other? That also needs to be discussed before any major commitment. That needs to be understood by the partner earning more. The person earning less will not be able to save as much, give the same type of gifts, or contribute in greater ways to expenses or savings. The person earning more may have to be comfortable relinquishing more funds to pick up any slack.
Lastly, let’s discuss power dynamics. The person with the money tends to WANT to use the money to control the other person. Remember, you are not in a prison. Financial abuse is a real thing. If you are a man and do not feel comfortable with a woman paying for everything, avoid long-term relationships until you are able to live a stable life on your own. Then, try to find a woman with her own home and things to merge with. Having your own space, own money, and own car will boost your self-confidence. Work on yourself first. This applies to woman as well. Unstable people tend to bring that unstable energy into relationships.
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